Every so often, someone somewhere suggests I write a book. Unfortunately, they rarely suggest what kind of book I should write. When prompted, several suggest I write a novel; others recommend I focus on educational materials; some advocate for a photo book; while another contingent requests “an assemblage” of existing articles.
So here’s the deal. Actually, here are several deals.
First, I actually have written books. Several hundred of them, in fact — and all in that “educational” category so many desire. I’ve been writing electronic music product owner’s manuals since the late 1980’s — some of which have even been employed as classroom texts in a few institutes of higher learning. But I agree with the thought gestating in your mind: these aren’t “real” books. After all, it’s not like someone’s going to curl up in front of the fire with a 1,000 page manual on music notion and a nice glass of brandy. Besides, anyone who did suggest I pen an “educational book” was surely imagining something photography related, what with the purported purpose of this site.
Second, I did indeed publish a book of photos about 15 years ago. No, it wasn’t a “real” book — it was a Blurb book. Which meant the crisply photographed black-and-white images were rendered in either a murky shade of purple or a nauseatingly hued cyan. In spite of this, I’ll admit it sold better than expected — in the high single digits, last I checked. Also, I’ve been publishing a photo magazine the past couple years, which does sell substantially better. So you could always buy a couple of those, staple them together and boom! — instant book. Would I ever publish a real, offset-printed photo book using a real printer/publisher like Steidl? In a heartbeat. Would Steidl publish me? There aren’t enough hearts beating in the world.
The third (and most popular) suggestion, is that I release “an assemblage” of existing articles in book form. I’ve never been able to wrap my head around this one. The articles are already on the internet. For free. Yet my readership has declined so precipitously in the past several years that my web host has started emailing condolence messages to my friends and family. Why would anyone pay for what they can get for free? What publisher on this side of a padded accommodation in Bellevue would invest in publishing something that’s already offered without charge? Even if they performed a marketing miracle and convinced everyone to buy the first edition, word would quickly spread that it’s all on the web, thus killing any plans to publish a second edition, and therefore eliminating any possibility to recoup marketing expenses. Plus, since it’s Google’s stated goal to electronically publish every book in the world, it seems kind of silly to transfer all my articles to print, just so Google can transfer them back into digital form.
Fourth on the list of considerations is “the novel.” I’m not sure exactly what I’ve ever written that would make someone think I’m capable of writing a novel? I can barely stay engaged long enough to finish a 1000 word essay. How would I ever complete a 70,000 word novel? But if I ever did write a novel, I can assure you it would be so thoroughly unlike anything I’ve written for ULTRAsomething — both in language and in style — that it would utterly confound and disappoint anyone who ever asked me to write it.
Which brings me to the one book idea that no one seems to suggest: A collection of unpublished essays. This is something I think I could be good at, since writing essays is exactly what I’ve been doing these past 15 years. But to do this means I stop publishing them on the web and start publishing them in print. Given my current writing rate, it would take me 6 years to assemble a 70,000 word collection — more than enough time to guarantee no one would remember ULTRAsomething ever existed, or that they’d ever even suggested I write a book.
So, all roads lead to the same destination: me asking “why would I ever write a book?” Sure, I’d love to go on the talk show circuit, gorging myself on free snacks in the green room and engaging in witty banter with the host. Who wouldn’t? But is that going to happen? And aren’t there at least 100 things I’d rather do with my remaining time?
If this essay sounds like I’m sitting atop the tip of some existential iceberg, you’re absolutely right. I am. But in order to explore it more thoroughly, I’d have to write a book.
© 2024 grEGORy simpson
ABOUT THE PHOTOS:
To subtly illustrate my point that, perhaps, I’m not particularly equipped for long-form writing, I’ve captioned each accompanying photo with only a single word.
Baubles was shot on a Leica M6 TTL with a Minolta 28mm f/2.8 Rocker lens using HP5+ pushed to ISO 800 and developed in Microphen stock.
Rink was also shot on a Leica M6 TTL, but with a TTArtisan 50mm f/0.95 lens using Delta 3200 developed in Microphen stock.
Chrysler was photographed with a Fuji Natura Black 1.9 on HP5+ pushed to ISO 3200 in Microphen stock.
Pedant popped out of a Canon Demi EE-17 half-frame camera, loaded with HP5+ at ISO 400, which was developed with Blazinal (Rodinal) 1:50.
Skynyrd was shot from my sofa, just before taking a nap, on the OM Digital OM-1 on which was mounted an OM Digital 40-150 F/4 lens.
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